I wrote River of Silence one day when I was feeling small and insignificant. It is meant to be a little shocking or dramatic. It’s not that I always feel this way, but it does reflect the way I have felt at times. Maybe you can relate.
I went through, what felt like, a long period of silence in my life when it came to writing. You see, some of my earliest childhood memories are of me running around the house with a little toy tape-recorder/microphone. I used to wear tutus my mom made for me and sing Amy Grant songs or songs that I had made up. That’s just what I did. No one told me to do it, but praise God they allowed me to do it, and even encouraged me to do so! I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up; a singer, just like Amy Grant!
Well, when I hit college my dreams all came apart. I lost my sense of self and the songs I used to write disappeared. I was afraid of making mistakes, afraid of not being good enough, afraid to leave my small apartment! I began to live in fear. Much of my creativity was diverted to other things of practicality. My future was looming in front of me and I knew I needed to make a living. So I settled for interior design and decided I was just a singer. Not a writer, not a musician, not an artist. Just a singer. I moved into what I thought I was supposed to do as an American. Go to college. Get married. Get a job. Have kids. Buy a house, etc. Don’t get me wrong, there were great times and many opportunities for growth, change and joy! But I had lost my sense of connection with God in this season of silence. It was like I had lost my first love. There is a letter in Revelation 2 to the church in Ephesus that I can relate to. The church hadn’t necessary stopped doing good things, however in verse 4 it says, “But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.” I had lost the works I did at first, because I had forgotten my reason for doing them. I got caught up in seeking to do things the way the world around me was doing them and had slowly turned away from, or abandoned, my first love.
River of Silence is a picture of that time when I lost myself. I was just floating along letting the world take me where it wanted me to go. I didn’t have a voice. I wasn’t even looking for my voice. I took in, but never poured out. The end of the song is the wake-up call. I have spent nearly my whole life as a Christian, and yet I wasn’t being a lampstand, a light in the darkness of our world. It was time to repent and return to my first love, Jesus (who, by the way, first loved me: John 3:16-21). It was time to do the works I did at first (which, by the way, he planned for me to do in the first place: Ephesians 2:10).
“If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.” – Psalm 94:17 (ESV)
River of Silence is one of the 13 songs that will appear on the Unraveling album I am currently working on. If you are interested in Pre-Ordering the album or checking out some fun items for purchase, please visit my online store at https://squareup.com/store/denisechaneymusic. I look forward to adding some more items soon.
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